Her Turkey Is Cooked

Candice wandered the streets of San Francisco in a mental daze. She had to smile about that, walking through the fog in a fog. She couldn’t recall exactly why she was outside when she should be in bed. But something had happened and she’d left… somewhere?

All she could remember is that she had to escape… someone. A check of her pockets revealed nothing but a crushed wad of bills. No driver’s license, no wallet, not even a house key. She knew her name but not where she lived.

Candice kept walking, unable to think clearly of what she needed to do next. Someone was looking for her, but it seemed far away, as if it were happening to someone else.

A poster in a nearby window caught her eye. She stumbled toward the window, mesmerized by what she saw. She placed both hands upon the glass and gazed in wondrous delight.

That was it. What she had been searching for. Of course, it all made sense now!

Candice rushed into the shop, and purchased the yarn, pattern and knitting needles.

She left the shop with her purchases clutched close to her chest, where to go? Her head swung around, her gaze assessing every storefront and alleyway. She must complete the project soon. The Great Turkey was calling her, and she must answer the call.

Over there, an empty park bench. Perfect!

She rushed into the park and sank down onto the bench before anyone could deny her the right to do so. A couple of pigeons were interested in her bag, but she shooed them away. Inferior birds! How dare they interrupt the great work of the Turkey?

Candice pulled the needles and yarn out of the bag with great care. The materials to make the Great Turkey hat must be handled reverently. No snag, nor knot must mar the yarn.

With great awe and ceremony, she removed the pattern from its protective plastic sleeve. Opening to the first page of instructions, she began to knit.

It took her the rest of the day, and well into the next morning before she was finally done with her offering to the Great Turkey.

She had been worried as darkness began to fall. But the Great Turkey had blessed her. He provided the illumination she needed to continue. A street light flickered on and had allowed her to work through the darkest hours.

The rosy fingers of dawn spread light and warmth across the land as she finished the last few stitches. Candice held up her great masterpiece. All done in praise of the Great Turkey. She proudly pulled into onto her head muttering gobbles of praise as she tied the legs under her chin to keep the hat secure as the gusty wind blew.

She strutted through the streets of the city, ready to spread the word of the Great Turkey.

Repent! For the time of the carving is at hand. Only those who turn to the Great Turkey shall be sheltered under his wing!

But what was this? People were laughing and snickering at her!

The Great Turkey will save us. Join the believers, and make your own tribute to the Great Turkey! she proclaimed.

The snickering and laughter continued as storm clouds obscured the sun.

Great Turkey have mercy on them, they know not what they do! She pleaded as thunder shook the skies.

A young man walked past her with a purple Mohawk and multiple piercings. Hey lady, I like turkey.

Her eyes lit and she approached him with joy. You do?

Yeah. He nodded.I like mine stuffed and roasted to a golden brown.

He laughed with his friends and walked away.

The Great Turkey will fry you in the peanut oil filled pits of hell for that, young man!

The more she spread the word, the more the unbelievers laughed at her.

Maybe they would be swayed by a miracle?

She bowed her head and once again prayed to the Great Turkey. Please allow your humble servant the power to show the heathen Turkey unbelievers the path to true enlightenment.

A feeling of power and righteousness flowed through her. It could only be a sign from the Great Turkey himself.

Rain poured from the sky, forcing her to run for the shelter of a nearby overhang. There had to be something miraculous she could do to show the unbelievers. An energetic gust of wind tore a branch off a nearby tree and it landed on one of the electric lines of Muni, snapping the line.

That was it! She’d save the people from the downed line!

Candice hurried into the middle of the street and held out her hands. Oh Great Turkey, save these heathen unbelievers!

She never saw the bus with locked breaks skidding toward her. It clipped her, knocking her into contact with the live end of the electrical wire.

The headlines in the morning newspaper read: Crazed Turkey lady found deep fried by Muni.